School has begun, obviously, I am working a lot, and I am worrying a lot. I suppose one could say that worry is a call to action of sorts, so I have been keeping up with looking for internships, preparing for my future, etc. I almost feel like I’m not ready to graduate however. Of course I am in the sense of having enough credits, having a desire to be out of school and get on with my life, a sense of relief of having essentially one extra year of my adult life, and so forth. But it seems so soon and so sudden.
For those readers who may not be aware…I am graduating from college a year early…just so this post (and the title) makes a little bit more sense/is elaborated upon. I can imagine those who graduate at the normal time, not even feeling ready though.
But anyway…this must be how it feels to skip a grade in junior high. Being intellectually ready, but not having the emotional maturity. I don’t think I’m incapable of getting along with adults and being in a work environment…I function well at the job I have…I am aware of proper etiquette, business or otherwise…I can socialize relatively well with people who are older than me and have my age not be obvious. For what it’s worth people comment on how “mature” I am.
I still feel like a little girl on the inside though.
I’m just a little girl lost in the moment
I’m so scared, but I don’t show it
I can’t figure it out, Its bringing me down I know
I’ve got to let it go, and just enjoy the show
Sort of like that, and yes, I need to get over it…and I’m not scared, like, “ahh, a tiger!” scared…just worried that my future won’t work out right, or that I’ll do the wrong thing through inexperience, and screw everything up. I have the facade of an adult on the outside, and am a kid on the inside.
But does me recognizing this and having the ability to adapt my behavior mean that I am ready? It’s like with people who are crazy…those who are genuinely crazy don’t recognize that they’re crazy, but those who are sane are able to worry that they’re crazy. The analogy being, people who are emotionally immature can’t realize it, but those who are, are filled with self doubt?
I remember in middle school people used to have arguments over who was more “mature.” I think from that, the final word should be, that people who are “mature” do not have to have it pointed out.
And I am graduating early, whether I like it or not, either in May or over the summer…so I guess I’d better pull on my big girl pants and deal with it.