I’m trying to understand why I’m such a perfectionist.

I thought of this today, because I woke up sick this morning (a very rare occurrence indeed), and had to go into work late (another very rare occurrence). So many people who have jobs, anywhere, skip days, come in late, etc. and just don’t care! But I was having a complete nervous breakdown because I NEVER, EVER am late or miss a day (still have never missed a day). And I had to think…dude…so many people have done so much worse…and that calmed me down a little bit, but still…it was just ridiculous.

Just anytime I make a mistake I feel like the biggest idiot in the entire world, and that I’m letting everyone down, and that everyone secretly hates me. I feel as if everyone has very high expectations of me, and that’s a good thing…I’m flattered and I need to be challenged…and I want to be challenged….just sometimes it’s a little overwhelming. I feel a lot of pressure to be perfect…I don’t know if it’s in my imagination that others expect me to be perfect or if they really do.

Perhaps this is all because my life kind of switched from being a college student with a job, to having my job and doing my school stuff on the side. Maybe my brain is just so crammed full of stuff from both sides, that it’s getting overloaded. That’s silly, a brain can’t overload, but it can make it harder to concentrate.

I think it’s good to aspire to perfection, because then obviously you care more about your work, you pay more attention to doing a better job, and so forth…but it’s also very, very, VERY stressful. It really makes me wonder how other people manage to be so carefree, because I feel like I’m always thinking about my work (by this I’m also including classwork) and worrying about it.

I think it’s just my personality though, I’d like to think that things will get better once I get settled in a real career, but that’s a long way off, and if this way of thinking is just the way I am, it’ll be very hard to change it.

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One thought on “I’m trying to understand why I’m such a perfectionist.

  1. sweetie, i have a few things to say about this. one, everyone expects everyone else to be perfect and to not let them down. some people, like myself, tend to ignore it, and wind up letting people down on the regular, until people expect nothing of me and when i do do something, they are happy. now, you choose which is better, personally i would love to have your drive. but steph, you are ssooo young, and you are supposed to make mistakes, really. you cant be perfect, i mean you can be, but look how tiring it is. sometimes i think you try to prove to yourself that you can do it more than other people because in all honesty i dont think other people care that much… and people certainly wont hate you for running behind, it will only prove that you are human. another thing… when you stress out, its only hurting yourself. you need to remember that you are given a little bit of lee way, ya know. things dont have to go exactly of they are planned just to work. you plan and plan and make sure things are perfect, which is fine for work, but not your daily life outside of work. it will drive you crazy and become grey and wrinkly and stressed out. you are amazing, so start giving yourself breaks once in a while. take a step back and realize what you have accomplished. you are more put together than any one else i know. but you will give yourself an ulcer if you dont give oyurself more credit. smile, be happy you ive in the place you have always wanted to live with no one elses help. appreciate where you are in life, cause if you dont, what are you working for in the first place ya know? this is all for you. no one else. love you.

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