I thought of this today, because I woke up sick this morning (a very rare occurrence indeed), and had to go into work late (another very rare occurrence). So many people who have jobs, anywhere, skip days, come in late, etc. and just don’t care! But I was having a complete nervous breakdown because I NEVER, EVER am late or miss a day (still have never missed a day). And I had to think…dude…so many people have done so much worse…and that calmed me down a little bit, but still…it was just ridiculous.
Just anytime I make a mistake I feel like the biggest idiot in the entire world, and that I’m letting everyone down, and that everyone secretly hates me. I feel as if everyone has very high expectations of me, and that’s a good thing…I’m flattered and I need to be challenged…and I want to be challenged….just sometimes it’s a little overwhelming. I feel a lot of pressure to be perfect…I don’t know if it’s in my imagination that others expect me to be perfect or if they really do.
Perhaps this is all because my life kind of switched from being a college student with a job, to having my job and doing my school stuff on the side. Maybe my brain is just so crammed full of stuff from both sides, that it’s getting overloaded. That’s silly, a brain can’t overload, but it can make it harder to concentrate.
I think it’s good to aspire to perfection, because then obviously you care more about your work, you pay more attention to doing a better job, and so forth…but it’s also very, very, VERY stressful. It really makes me wonder how other people manage to be so carefree, because I feel like I’m always thinking about my work (by this I’m also including classwork) and worrying about it.
I think it’s just my personality though, I’d like to think that things will get better once I get settled in a real career, but that’s a long way off, and if this way of thinking is just the way I am, it’ll be very hard to change it.