I just re-read The Lovely Bones.

I never re-read books, it just bores me for some reason…I hardly even re-read this as a matter of fact, I just skimmed it. I just felt compelled to read it again. I’ve been thinking about it, because of the movie adaptation that’s coming out (which I won’t see, because the subject matter’s just too depressing)…and I just find the whole premise so sad and disturbing yet something I want to read again and think about…it’s the concept of Susie having her own personal heaven to be “alive” in, to watch over those she left on Earth, to come to terms with her own death in, that I guess intrigues me so much.

Stories (both fiction and non-fiction) about the murders of young women….such as Susie Salmon, Nancy Clutter, those murdered by Ted Bundy always make me feel more upset than those of other people….I can just imagine myself when I was their age and can imagine how terrible it is to be murdered so young. It’s terrible to be murdered at any age and at any gender of course…I read Truman Capote’s In Cold Blood, and in that he contains an anecdote (possible fictional) about a friend of Mrs. Clutter who had a dream in which Mrs. Clutter told her that to be murdered is just the most awful thing.

I don’t know if men feel the same sort of sympathies toward other men in that way…or if it’s more of a sisterhood thing…or if it’s just me. I know this whole thing sounds totally bizarre and almost a bit selfish, me being upset about their deaths because I can imagine myself in their position. But that also brings to life the horror of what happened, and makes it even harder to understand what could bring someone to the point of rage and inhumanity that they could just kill and innocent young woman (or person, whatever). It’s the same as hurting animals…how could anyone sink that low? I know there are people out there who are tortured and abused and just want to take it out on someone else, but it’s still hard to comprehend.

I think I like the idea of Susie having her own heaven in which she is “alive,” because I would wish for something like that too. Although that sounds like it would be almost torturous and maybe just being dead is better. One of the things that I dislike about death (well, aside from the DEAD part) is that I won’t know what happens after I’m gone, and Susie gets to see how the world deals without her in it, and how it goes on. That would have to be so painful though, wanting so badly to be alive, and wanting so badly to speak to those on Earth. I already think wanting to be somewhere you can’t be, or have someone you can’t have is one of the most painful emotions…but if you’re dead, then it’s permanent, you can never have any of those things ever again.

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