I feel like I’m having some sort of midlife crisis.

Or early life post-college crisis.

I just can’t help but feel like I’ve made massive screw ups in my life by turning down opportunities with major companies (or at least larger) and working with small businesses.

I certainly am in favor of small businesses, but I feel like they have more of a potential to be unprofessional. My coke head intern supervisor was certainly an example of that.

My current internship hasn’t been incredibly awful, but once they started paying me (a very small amount for the record) they completely took advantage of me, completely monopolozing my time preventing me from taking on other endeavors and having me do tasks that are more along the lines of what a maid or personal assistant would do. Not to mention, one of my bosses is letting her personal issues enter the work place which makes it incredibly difficult for me to work with her, or even want to see her at this rate.

So I need to severely limit my interaction/ work with them and focus on getting something else. It’s just incredibly overwhelming/ stressful when I’m simultaneously struggling to make a living.

I just have a fear of not being able to earn enough to support myself, as I do not have the benefit of student money or parental help.

I also feel like I made poor choices, because I se my friends with these fabulous internships and job offers, and it’s so frustrating thay twice I’ve made the mistake of going into a situation where the bosses prime motive is to take advantage of employees (both my coke head supervisor and my current boss have stated that they treat everyone below them as if they are stupid and have stated the point of an intern is to do shit work).

I suppose I am a poor judge of character and have had false hopes of things getting better.

It’s incredibly depressing to think about, on the other hand it’s only been 3 months since I graduated. But other people have family support- without that it’s very hard not to feel cast adrift with a huge fear for the future.

I’m only 21 so these things should be reversible, it’s just an awful feeling to be completely dependent on people you don’t like anymore for money, and the fear that maybe they’ll withold it (I don’t get a regular paycheck- it’s cash). I would hope that legally they can’t do that though.

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