I’m alone, sitting with my empty glass. My four walls follow me through my past.

The title is from “The Metro” by Berlin. I discovered that song when I was 13-14 and was learning that there was way more to music out there than what is played on the radio.

Anyway, I stayed up late last night reading my old journal from 7th grade to the beginning of 9th grade….most of it is from 2001 with a few scattered entries from 2002 and one from 2003. I can’t believe it’s been 10 years since I wrote that first entry. On a side note- it’s also been 2 years since I started this blog….amazing how fast time flies. Anyway, despite the decade that has passed between me writing that and writing this, I was surprised by the small things that have not changed. I still love No Doubt- I have a little Gwen Stefani shrine page in that journal. I love a bit I wrote about being worried about an upcoming dance because I can’t dance. Unfortunately I still feel uncomfortable dancing (because I suck), but I’m ok with just going for it (usually only if I’m drunk though) or intentionally dancing stupidly in a self parody.

I was also impressed by my small moments of insight despite my somewhat poor way of phrasing things.

3/18/02

I should probably talk about society now days. That’s what Samuel Pepys did, I mean who knows who will read this, lol.

In my last entry from 2003 I reflect upon the major differences between myself then and “now.” Here are some pictures to compare the physical differences at least (complete with my lame captions)!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Speaking of that….what struck me was how uncomfortable I was with my physical appearance then. I don’t even worry about how I look now, even though to be honest, I feel like I really haven’t changed much. In one entry I mentioned wanting to lose 15 lbs! That would be completely insane for me to even contemplate right now….especially working at a cookie store…haha. My current modus operandi is to buy flattering clothes, not try to change my body. I also hated my hair for some reason…..now I love it.

I am glad some things have changed, most notably my self esteem. I feel like my basic personality/wants/needs are the same though….which makes sense….I was old enough when I was writing that that I was in the process of becoming who I am now….and it makes me feel old to think that 10 years ago I was a teenager.

I hope this blog is still around 10 years so I can reflect on my 20s. I wish I could find the old live journal I had in HS….I think it’s been deleted though. Sometimes I do like going through my old emails though….I’ve had the same email since I was 14 or 15. Maybe that’ll be my next project next time I’m up late at night.

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