Absence and Apathy

I’ve taken a long absence from writing here. Real life and apathy have gotten in the way. I feel like I’ve been absent in a lot of ways though. Losing touch with people who I have less and less in common with, not spending as much time with those I do keep in touch with, not pursuing interests because I’m so tired. I don’t know if this is a part of getting older and becoming more focused on “adult” things like work and responsibilities or if I’m just going through a funk. Even the smallest things, like updating my address book, seem like monumental tasks. I’ve cancelled things I’d normally look forward to, like going to The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. I legitimately missed out on the Daily Show because of work stuff, but I could have gone to see Colbert- I just didn’t feel like waiting in line so I cancelled my reservation. Then I felt really depressed about that for some reason even though I’m not such a huge Colbert fan that I’m seriously missing out and I theoretically could go at any time.

I’m trying to be less of a hermit crab and accept invitations from people. Work makes me very anxious though and I feel like something terrible is going to happen if I’m not always available. The only moments I’ve been totally “free” are when I went to see Morrissey. I saw two shows- one at Radio City and one at Terminal 5. The cellphone was turned off then, but I was on the phone/emailing/texting pretty much the entire time before and after.

Brief interlude to discuss the Morrissey shows which I haven’t really mentioned to anyone. The first one at Radio City was excellent- the audience was a tad tepid though and I was a bit far back. Terminal 5 was a whole different planet compared to that. I got there at 10am as I’d been warned that people camped out super early to get to the front. I was number twenty-five on the list of early birds. The wait wasn’t as bad as it sounds- I met a lot of interesting people, I brought plenty of snacks so I didn’t starve, and there were places to use the bathroom. I am also immensely grateful that I was at the front almost at the barrier- not only to get to see Morrissey (and Kristeen Young, the opener who I really like) up close- but it was like a sardine can and I probably would have gotten crushed in the middle. It was very hot and everyone was pushing, pushing, pushing to get as close to the stage as possible. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a crazier pit, even when I was in high school and went to local punk rock/metal shows. During the encore people were leaping over everyone to get onto the stage. I also got kicked in the head by a girl who had a seizure in the middle of the pit and was being passed over everyone’s heads to get to the front.

That’s pretty much the only vaguely exciting thing I’ve done, especially since I bailed on The Daily Show and Colbert. I’m never bored though. I’m thankful that I have the ability to entertain myself or at least enjoy my own company. I feel very sorry for people who are always bored, mostly because that means they’re boring people.

I am almost finished with my fruit smoothie (a snack/drink I have become obsessed with). Time to make some toast and tea! And attempt to be productive.

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