When I was in 10th grade we had to write our own poetry and collect it in a little book. Thankfully I saved mine. Many of these poems are rather silly (I was 15 or 16 when I wrote these), but I think they’re kind of cute.
Inspired by Edgar Allan Poe.
Kicking your lover down the stairs
Oh, how releasing the rage felt so good
The perfect revenge for all her affairs
But now your carpet is stained with her blood
Getting soap you scrub and scrub
There, that looks so much better
You decide to go down and get a drink from the pub
And being a hypocrite you mail your mistress a letter
On the floor of the pub there’s a big red stain
Ha! Some drunken fool must have spilled his wine
But it’s not wine, it’s blood, like the blood on the carpet where your lady lay slain
You run out of the pub, suddenly you don’t feel so fine
Walking down the street it begins to pour
You think, “Oh crap, the last thing I need after all this is to ruin my coat.”
So you walk inside through beckoning door
And a man inside begins to gloat
“I can see your future! I know the fate that will befall you!”
“How could you?” you reply, “I’m a skeptic.
I’m going to ignore your prophesies of my impending doom.”
“Well suit yourself,” he said, “I won’t tell you about your life ever so pathetic.”
You stumble back outside. Was that a hallucination?
Then you see it again, you’d almost forgot
About the object of your fixation
The blood, the blood! It was just a coincidence you’d thought
How it was everywhere you went
Was that man right? Will your life now come to an end?
You need to save yourself and repent
Before mentally you go around the bend
But it’s too late, you’re already drowning
In the blood of your murdered lover
It boils, you are burning, your arms are flailing
You melt and bubble down to your blubber
All the sudden you wake up in your bed
It was all just a dream
The lady you kicked down the stairs is sleeping next to your head
So then why is your flesh melting like buttery cream?
Teenage angst.
I may have had love for you
Had I not been spurned
I thought you had gorgeous eyes of baby blue
Until my heart you burned
I think you are quite a jerk
For not being in love with me
Before I may have loved your every quirk
But now I just hope you drift out to sea
Don’t read if you’re a member of the GOP (inspired by George W. Bush).
Prancing on my tippy-toes in my cowboy hat
Swimming with my duckie in my oil wells
Oh, those have made me such a fat cat
Those money lacking non-Republicans can burn in Hell
I am a righteous, moral man
I love all life, no innocent creature should die
But those skanks locked up in the can?
Screw them, let them fry
My Christian God says to love all people
Which being pious I must do
But only those who pray in a church with a steeple
All the rest, I bid them adieu
Gay people will mark the end of society
Who cares about terrorism, drugs and war
Our children will become immoral whores if gays achieve notoriety
Anything that doesn’t pass Jerry Falwell must go out the door
I love my life, my horn I’m always tootin’
You can have this too if you share in my beliefs
I don’t see why it’s not my place to criticize Putin
I’m an American, I am everyone’s commander-in-chief
I guess I wasn’t having too much fun compiling this book.
I feel so forced
Like you’re making me write
Feelings I don’t have
Poetry only works when
It’s inspired
Which I hardly was
But I think I made it work
Because
I’m good at faking these things
Are you?